Parenting young children in pain
What does it mean to be a parent with pain. It means lots of planning, lots of forethought and an incredible amount of patience, not only with the kids but with yourself. One thing I had to be realistic about is nobody is a perfect parent and I wasn't going to be either.
When my youngest was about eighteen months old is when my real trouble with pain began. I had had a glimpse of it with each pregnancy. It was explained away as regular back pain most women have with pregnancy but we later learned it was actually a spinal cord injury and the nerves were being slowly cut off.
The day in question, when it all began,I knew there was something terribly wrong. I couldn't lift my daughter to put her in her crib for her nap. And so it began.
For a long time my pain was debilitating therefore friends and family helped, however there comes a time when parenting is yours and yours alone.
I built a network of friends around me. If I had been living near my family I am sure they all would have helped too. Being creative while parenting, whether you have pain or not, is key to success.
A group of eight families with children, around the same ages as ours, organized a babysitting co-op. It was a fun easy way for the parents to get a break, and excellent for the children because they were with their friends while we had the break. So when I was having a bad day or had one of many doctors appointments the children were usually with their friends. On a day when I was feeling better I would look after someone else's children and not only did it fulfill my babysitting co-op quota, but my children were happily occupied with friends.
At home I instilled a few simple rules. It consisted really of not sweating the small stuff. They had a play room and that's basically where toys stayed, not all over the house. There were a few special things in their rooms. At the end of the day the toy room must be cleaned up to the best of their ability. If friends were there they helped to do that. Early responsibility helps children,and saved my back from bending to pick up those toys. I never made it about me and what I could and could not do. Remember it doesn't have to be perfect.
Routine was a saviour. Our children were taught to go to bed at a regular time, and get up at a regular time. Tired, cranky children make tired cranky parents. Being tired and in pain is a lethal combination. Don't let it happen. So many people say/said our children just wouldn't do that. Well let's get one thing straight. You are the adult, they are the children. They will do anything you tell them to if it is treated with a sense of normalcy. Of course, it's bedtime/nap time. The argument that your children will not sleep, once again is probably because it hasn't been seen as a regular routine. But I'm not tired in our house was met with "oh that's okay but you must have quiet time in your room, you can go to sleep when you are ready" . It worked. Consistency is the key. A lot of parenting consists of saying the same thing over and over again.
Admittedly it worked better with one of our children than the other. But she did learn to at least stay in her room.
That time was well used. It wasn't for cleaning the house, chatting on the phone or T.V. It was to have a hot bath, have a nap or lie down, or do Physio. It was time to look after the pain.
I also managed my day. That sounds strange but I began to see a pattern with my pain. It was best in the morning and peaked at around 4pm. So I planned ahead. Right after breakfast I made dinner, put it in the fridge and it was all ready to go so that when my pain peaked I wasn't trying to deal with that, ordering out or feeding our family junk food. There were nights that I was able to get a nice meal on the table only to have to go lie down myself while they ate. I avoided that at all cost. It was only when it was debilitating that I did that. Consistency and normalcy is what I went for.
Right after I made dinner I spent a lot of time with the girls. We did crafts, went out to play groups, went to the park or prearranged programs like swimming etc. never videos or T.V. I saved that for 4pm because I knew I may need it.
After lunch and stories, the girls had their nap/quiet time and so did I.
After dinner and clean up it was family time usually outside and then my husband would give them their Baths and get them into bed and we each took a child to read to. By 8pm, our house was pretty quiet.
When you are in pain it is easy to do whatever is easy with children, fast food, sleep in your bed, and no routine. What that does is create chaos in your home and increases your pain. Putting and keeping routine into your lives makes it a lot easier to manage pain.
I'm not saying that ordering food and relaxing the rules is a bad thing, it isn't, but save it for those those when you absolutely need it.
Pain and children can co-exist but both have to be managed with respect and kindness.
When my youngest was about eighteen months old is when my real trouble with pain began. I had had a glimpse of it with each pregnancy. It was explained away as regular back pain most women have with pregnancy but we later learned it was actually a spinal cord injury and the nerves were being slowly cut off.
The day in question, when it all began,I knew there was something terribly wrong. I couldn't lift my daughter to put her in her crib for her nap. And so it began.
For a long time my pain was debilitating therefore friends and family helped, however there comes a time when parenting is yours and yours alone.
I built a network of friends around me. If I had been living near my family I am sure they all would have helped too. Being creative while parenting, whether you have pain or not, is key to success.
A group of eight families with children, around the same ages as ours, organized a babysitting co-op. It was a fun easy way for the parents to get a break, and excellent for the children because they were with their friends while we had the break. So when I was having a bad day or had one of many doctors appointments the children were usually with their friends. On a day when I was feeling better I would look after someone else's children and not only did it fulfill my babysitting co-op quota, but my children were happily occupied with friends.
At home I instilled a few simple rules. It consisted really of not sweating the small stuff. They had a play room and that's basically where toys stayed, not all over the house. There were a few special things in their rooms. At the end of the day the toy room must be cleaned up to the best of their ability. If friends were there they helped to do that. Early responsibility helps children,and saved my back from bending to pick up those toys. I never made it about me and what I could and could not do. Remember it doesn't have to be perfect.
Routine was a saviour. Our children were taught to go to bed at a regular time, and get up at a regular time. Tired, cranky children make tired cranky parents. Being tired and in pain is a lethal combination. Don't let it happen. So many people say/said our children just wouldn't do that. Well let's get one thing straight. You are the adult, they are the children. They will do anything you tell them to if it is treated with a sense of normalcy. Of course, it's bedtime/nap time. The argument that your children will not sleep, once again is probably because it hasn't been seen as a regular routine. But I'm not tired in our house was met with "oh that's okay but you must have quiet time in your room, you can go to sleep when you are ready" . It worked. Consistency is the key. A lot of parenting consists of saying the same thing over and over again.
Admittedly it worked better with one of our children than the other. But she did learn to at least stay in her room.
That time was well used. It wasn't for cleaning the house, chatting on the phone or T.V. It was to have a hot bath, have a nap or lie down, or do Physio. It was time to look after the pain.
I also managed my day. That sounds strange but I began to see a pattern with my pain. It was best in the morning and peaked at around 4pm. So I planned ahead. Right after breakfast I made dinner, put it in the fridge and it was all ready to go so that when my pain peaked I wasn't trying to deal with that, ordering out or feeding our family junk food. There were nights that I was able to get a nice meal on the table only to have to go lie down myself while they ate. I avoided that at all cost. It was only when it was debilitating that I did that. Consistency and normalcy is what I went for.
Right after I made dinner I spent a lot of time with the girls. We did crafts, went out to play groups, went to the park or prearranged programs like swimming etc. never videos or T.V. I saved that for 4pm because I knew I may need it.
After lunch and stories, the girls had their nap/quiet time and so did I.
After dinner and clean up it was family time usually outside and then my husband would give them their Baths and get them into bed and we each took a child to read to. By 8pm, our house was pretty quiet.
When you are in pain it is easy to do whatever is easy with children, fast food, sleep in your bed, and no routine. What that does is create chaos in your home and increases your pain. Putting and keeping routine into your lives makes it a lot easier to manage pain.
I'm not saying that ordering food and relaxing the rules is a bad thing, it isn't, but save it for those those when you absolutely need it.
Pain and children can co-exist but both have to be managed with respect and kindness.