Pain Fog: Living in spite of Chronic Pain
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Month 23. The Curious Business of Healing. 

12/30/2016

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Having an acute serious illness or injury, or a chronic illness has a profound impact on one's life. As society focus's solely on the healing of the particular illness/injury, so much happens emotionally and socially that is often not addressed.
How we are treated by others can leave a lasting imprint in our lives. It is said that society is judged by how it treats it's most vulnerable. The same can be said for the community around the patient. It is an interesting phenomenon, because sometimes it is the most unlikely who step up and are there for you and the opposite is sadly true as well.
What a lot of people don't realize is the amount of unintended abuse the medical system puts on the patient. By the time they are sharing with friends the story is condensed; left out are the most demeaning and hurtful things they have experienced. The system is difficult enough to manage when you are feeling strong, but for a sick, vulnerable person it can be brutal at times.
Doctors, nurses and technicians are human, they make mistakes and get tired from being overworked; those mistakes or inappropriate comments affect the patient long after they are said or done.
* I'll share some examples of this to make my point. Many years ago I was suffering the worst pain of my life, including labour. I had many visits to my doctor's office to no avail. She finally told me to go home and enjoy my life with my young family, that one in four people get back pain, deal with it! Long story short, I had a spinal cord injury, that required surgery to prevent paralysis. She was wrong, but her treatment of me was demeaning and left me doubting if I truly was experiencing unique pain. I had started doubting the signals my body was screaming at me. Her treatment of me affected my ability to deal with the pain. Once I had a doctor who acknowledged and properly treated me, I felt so much more equipped to deal with the long road ahead of me. I was validated and knew exactly what I was dealing with and how much courage I would have to summon to get through it. That was the difference. One doctor left me feeling defeated another who actually gave me such difficult news empowered me to take it on.
* I have a friend right now who is in severe from an undiagnosed back issue. Although her doctor has acknowledged there is "something" going on, he insists on dolling out pain medication as though she's a addict. A few at a time and then she must track him down to ask for more, often he is not in and she must suffer though it. This has added more distress to an already stressful situation.
* Waiting for appointments with specialists can consume you, then getting there and being dismissed, which happens to many, can be devastating. I hear stories of that so often from people who have waited for months and get about five minutes of the doctors time and told nothing new. Hope is diminished, it is difficult to go on when there is no real plan or end in sight.
* When you are hospitalized you are often treated like a number. You can hit a buzzer and wait as long a half an hour for a response. Thirty minutes is a long time to wait when you need help to go to the bathroom or require something for pain. The feeling of desperation and abandonment is awful when you are so dependent on people.
* Comments from well meaning friends and relatives who offer a miracle cure or supplement when you are clearly beyond that kind of treatment can be hard to deal with. It shows they have no real understanding of your condition.
These sorts of things can beat you down when you already feel at the bottom. It wears away at the strength you have inside and eventually you stop being hurt, shocked and outraged, what you feel is demeaned and resigned.
When you are at this level family and friends, a kind nurse, understanding doctor mean everything. They are who fill you up again to allow you to keep going and to put all that shit into perspective. That's why it is so important to be there, to say a kind word, do a kind deed hold some space for a person who is vulnerable. You will never know all the little battles going on inside, while they are fighting the apparent one in front of you.
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Month 23. Did you miss me?

12/19/2016

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Last evening we attended one of our favourite holiday parties. It's always been the true beginning of the season for us as it has always coincides with at least one of the girls return home, and last night it was Meg.  It's a great chance  to see friends in a festive environment. 

Having picked Meg up from the airport, and her boyfriend Travis from the bus station, we headed out to the beautiful event. The crisp, frosty evening made the twinkling, tree lined driveway look even more magical than usual. We were met with cranberry filled ice candles and smiling faces - Christmas was about to begin.
Once inside we were met with hellos from the many warm and lovely people we look forward to toasting each year. It didn't take long for one in particular to seek me out;  after a meaningful hug she showed me she was on a mission. She usually is! Sandy is one of the most dynamo woman I have ever met. She has just returned from Africa for the tenth time.  She started her own charity in 2006 and has bringing teams of people of all ages there to work hands on with people who need it most. She has, and still does run marathons, she is involved in community and is one of those beautiful souls you just have to sit back and appreciate for all they give and do.

Her mission last night was not to donate or build anything. It was me!  She gave me heck for not writing. She had been following my blog and when I took the break to travel she waited for me to start up again.  Well I've been lazy, and she was having none of it. She told me in no uncertain terms that I should be writing again. Just in case I didn't get the message she told Barry and then Meghan the same thing. So here I am writing again!  Sandy is a force to be reckoned with and if she says it's time for me to get back at, then so be it.

In all seriousness I so appreciated her nudge. It was what I needed. So for you Sandy; and all those others who were following along, I'm back and I will do my best to write daily. Perhaps I can fill in the blanks of the last couple of months along the way. 
​

Thanks for reading Sandy; and all the other Sandy's out there let the holidays begin.
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    Maureen Clout

    I'm going in for a 4th neurosurgery; this time it's a repair to my lumbar fusion. Here, I will post my daily updates on dealing with diagnosis, surgery and recovery. Join me on my journey.

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