Is there ever something that somebody does for you, that you don't even know how to thank them for? That happened in this house yesterday. Let me explain.

It's been months now since I was first diagnosed with spinal stenosis and I had surgery this past September. The pain is intermittent in my back, but more potently down my leg and into my foot. When it is active, that's the only way I can describe what happens; it is difficult and sometimes impossible to walk.

I have a lot of little jobs; therefore they have been piling up around the house for that day when the pain is not too bad. The trouble is, that day doesn't seem to be coming. One such job is my laundry room.

Sounds lame, I know. If you have seen my laundry you would understand. It is larger than most and has a smaller room/storage area off of it. It is downstairs, and most days the stairs are a challenge and some days they feel impossible. So we have developed a system. There's an area at the top of the stairs where I leave things for my family to bring down for me. In theory this works very well. When I go down my hands are then free and I have less chance of a fall. Under normal circumstances I go down into the laundry room and put all the various items where they belong. It wasn't the most organized place to start with so you can imagine the mess it was in.

Everyone has one of those rooms in their houses, or at least I think they do, where we hide the "stuff". Mine was the laundry room. Anything we couldn't find a home for got "temporarily" put there. It had gotten so out of hand, that even when I did feel okay, it was too much for me.

Yesterday Jerri and I tackled it! I lasted about an hour and at that point it looked like a bomb had gone off. I needed to lie down so I suggested we come back to it tomorrow. Off I went upstairs to retreat. Ice pack, heating pad and EMS later, I was feeling a little better. I ventured back downstairs and it was done!

It looks clean, fresh and inviting again. There's a large table in there, and there's nothing on it, can't remember the last time I saw the top of that table. Counters are clear and the cupboards are full. I wanted to cry with gratitude. What a gift.

It's hard enough to sort through your own mess, let alone someone else's. So today my beautiful daughter was of service, not just by being helpful, but by being truly there to serve. I had written about the difference in a previous post after reading this article. It really got me thinking about the difference. 

Part of giving is the willingness of the person to receive. I allowed that all to happen yesterday and received it with open arms. I think there is a lesson to be learned in everything. The old me would have had to been down there while it all happened. Giving up a little control was a huge gain for me.

So thank you Jerri for your selfless act of generosity. You showed your old Mom that it is okay to let go of some of that control once in a while, and allow others to do for you.

Today I would like to talk about the exhaustion that comes with chronic pain. I have been so tired lately that it has been very necessary to nap throughout the day. Usually I set a timer and wake up feeling okay after an hour, however from time to time I have a period where one hour will not cut it. Now is one of those times.

My body is very busy dealing with the acute pain on top of the chronic pain, and the emotional pain that comes with disappointment.

Yesterday I thought Jerri and I would tackle one of our projects we hope to have accomplished before surgery, however at 1pm, I was all but put to bed. Everything I touched I seemed to drop, and I couldn't finish my sentences and I was a bit of a mess. Time for a nap.

The timer came on and I promptly turned it off after the one hour. After three hours I dragged myself from the bed feeling worse then when I got in it. Some days are like that. Once I got up, washed my face and did some stretches, I did in fact feel much better. I especially felt better when I went to the kitchen and saw that the pot of chilli I had started was finished by my girl, and simmering on the stove. She had also cleaned out the freezer. A much needed job that I could not tackle. She's been so awesome.

Last night I went to bed my usual time and sleep well. So, who needs that much sleep? Well yesterday I guess I did. The same is true when I wake very early morning or can't get to sleep at night. I read, meditate or lie there and think.

That's my approach now, especially with mindfulness, I do not judge or give a negative or positive to it, it just is.