Family Update: Wiggling toes and peeing never felt so good.
Only good news and no change to report today. The big victory of yesterday was that the catheter came out and her bladder worked on its own. Those close to mom know that this has been quite a concern for her, as anyone with a SCI, and it gave her lots of trouble in 2002. So it was a huge relief yesterday when the water started flowing!
 As it was the weekend, there were no physio staff around so she didn't get out for a walk, and her leg strength remains the same. 
Mid-day she received an unexpected phone call from Dr. Fehlings himself. He said the reason he was calling was that he had left town the previous day and felt bad that he didn't get a chance to talk to her before leaving, as she was in the MRI machine...but dad and I think he is just trying to flirt with her. He said it is important to note that they have a three pronged approach. First, administration of a drug currently in clinical trials for acute spinal cord protection. Second, the use of steroids to reduce swelling around the cord and promote healing. Third, Lyndhurst the best rehab hospital around. Dr. Fehlings told Mom to get walking and then said, but we don't have to tell you that, because you have already shown us that.
She remains in ICU for another day, until the autonomic disreflexia is under control.  

Learning to Listen by Margaree Forks

Well here is my chance to have a say, knowing the many folks who are reading Maureen’s blog will hear me. It feels rather strange to be writing, knowing it’s not just for myself. Knowing I am going to share what’s in my heart and there are people listening. What, given the chance to do this – do I want to say? What message do I have that could help someone else. To look inside and ask myself, “what’s the one thing that could have changed the direction of my life?”, might have made me notice the big signpost on the road that said: ‘Health and Wellness’ in one direction and ‘Chronic pain’ in the other.

My life got derailed and the gift of hindsight can now allow me a chance to look back and see where the accident happened. Not to point fingers and blame – perhaps in the beginning yes, but not now, well into the journey.

Let me start with that momentous chance meeting that led to an unexpected job offer and then BAM - the beginning of my career as Social Worker. Life can do that when you listen. You go to that lecture on a whim - and you meet that person who begins the dots … that eventually connect…and a beautiful tapestry begins, a road stretches out before you. A life path unfolds in the field that fulfills your inner passion. You are discovered. How cool is that, when the Universe orchestrates such a symphony? And that’s when I met Maureen – at that very first chance job. She trained me, coached me and I watched, learned and tried to emulate her style. What a bounty to have such a skilled communicator at this juncture in my life. The gift of synchronicity: dubbed by C.G. Jung loosely defined as the fortuitous intermeshing of events. Being open to discovery and acting on intuitive thoughts is pivotal to finding happiness.

I went on to complete my formal education in this field, while continuing to work full-time, both front line and then management. While doing all this I continued to raise my own children and watched them grow and blossom into loving and dynamic youth and then adults. They were extraordinary years, blessed with the rewards of parenthood and a thriving career. My husband often worked out of town, so I was sometimes stretched very thin, attempting to meet the needs of both career and mothering. Many women these days are caught in similar circumstances and I remember learning about the ‘Superwoman Syndrome’ from Linda Kavelin Popov author of The Virtues Project; she used to say “you can do it all, but not all at once.”

Eventually the Universe had to step in for me, and I had to quit the job I had loved so much. Sometimes you don’t know how exhausted you have been until it’s all over. I look back now on those years and say “Whoa Nellie, slow down, back off.” Although I loved it and not for another minute would I change it, I could not imagine doing it again. But a forced move due to my husband’s job meant a new city and a new opportunity for my life. Its funny – I remember Maureen telling me before I left, to write down my ‘dream life’ in this new city. Not just in my mind but ON PAPER. What did I want for myself? I still have that list. Part of it stated: I want a Part –Time position, front-line and of course with really good pay. So I slowed down, one momentous day of self-reflection and journaling. Bam. Got it again. So note to self: self-reflection and writing your goals down on paper– it really works!

I got my perfect job – a permanent part-time position and I loved it with a client group that was both challenging and fulfilling. Everything should have been great, and it was initially. For many years I worked happily and I’m not sure exactly when it happened - but fear and worry crept in. I know I was worried about some big life decisions - but I silenced the voice. I had had some losses, significant ones – and I tend to be a worrywart about my kids…. I accepted a full-time contract. I chose not to remember the fact that 3 days a week was the perfect fit for me and was what had kept me healthy.

Others can do full-time; I accepted that I could not at this time. I had lost work life balance, got too exhausted and too many light bulbs were burnt out - and not all had been replaced. Some were damaged. But at first it was just for 3 months, then another, and then it was finally up to 2 years. I got more and more tired but instead of slowing down and reflecting about my tiredness, figuring out what to do about it - I ‘ran’.

I ran half marathons. I ran fast. I’m a runner and a runner at heart. Running is a great exercise and lifestyle – but at that time I ran to get away from myself. The self that worried and stewed and didn’t do what Maureen so aptly suggested in her blog – that when you experience loss – you need to grieve and ‘feel fully’, because until you do that – you don’t really heal. I also remember reading something similar in the book Tuesdays with Morrie, which says a Buddhist belief states that until you ‘feel’ a loss fully – you do not detach. Too many deaths in my family in a short period of time had left me slightly broken. When I ran I went into a safety zone where I didn’t feel – a protective place for me, but unfortunately I think it stopped me from listening to and hearing my inner voice. I ran - until I developed a stress fracture in my pelvis - and then I continued to run. I ran with a fracture and somehow to the amazement of my Doctor and Physiotherapist blocked the pain I felt physically.

Then one day I could not run anymore. I was stopped. I could barely walk. Sometimes when you really don’t listen, after you have been sent many messages, God finally has to hit you over the head with a stop sign. Then and there began my journey with acute then chronic pain. That was 3 years ago. It has been a long road and I have learned much along the way. The first step was how to listen again. So my message for you here today, is to get in touch with that inner voice, your inner pilot light and learn to listen. Synchronicity will happen in your life. The dots will begin to connect. Remember that grieving takes time and it’s an important process. My inner voice had clearly yelled – “front line, part time, feel, grieve, cry”. I allowed myself to burn out once and here now came the second round. I will make it, I will return to health, but the second time, it’s not so easy to recover. 

The second time for me has been an ongoing path of chronic pain. More on that another time.

Family update: Day 2 Post-Operative, good news and bad news. 
The bad news is that the neurosurgery team is still disappointed with her progress to date. Mom is struggling to regain full strength in her right leg. Due to this, the team has decided with certainty that they will be sending her to Lyndhurst Rehab Hospital. Though we all know that this is the right decision, emotionally, it is still tough to hear. Blood pressure remains unstable, with a bouts of Autonomic Disreflexia, which will keep her in the ICU for another day at least. Doctors are hoping to move her to regular ward by the end of the weekend. For now she remains with the best of the best doctors and nurses in ICU. 
The (very) good news is that Mom was able to get out of bed and WALK down the hallway (with assistance of physio and a walker). The current weakness of her right leg doesn't allow her to walk independently, but the doctors are hopeful for a full recovery. 
Dr Fehlings said it is important to note that they have a th‎ree pronged approach. First, administration of a drug currently in clinical trials for acute spinal cord injury, second, the use steroids to reduce swelling around the cord and promote healing and thirdly, Lyndhurst, the best spinal rehabilitation hospital around.

Prayer Shawl
A Letter from Terri Thompson

Dear Maureen;

This Prayer Shawl was made especially for you by me with lots of love. Not sure if you ever heard of prayer/comfort shawls, this is a little blurb from the website that first introduced me to it...

"Whether they are called Prayer Shawls, Comfort Shawls, or Mantles, etc., the shawl maker begins with prayers and blessings for the recipient. The intentions are continued throughout the creation of the shawl. Shawls can be used for: undergoing medical procedures; as a comfort after a loss or in times of stress; during bereavement; prayer or meditation...there are endless possibilities!"

It also suggests to accompany the shawl with a letter, sharing your thoughts and feelings around making the shawl to the person you are making it for and I just love this part because like you know we don't always know what someone is feeling or going through. It allows us to be a little vulnerable.

When I first heard about you having to have another surgery, I felt for you so much. I also didn't know what I could do to help you...it was a big debate in my head (hehehe). Then I was meditating/praying and felt that making you a prayer shawl was what I needed to do. So imagine that the answer was more in my heart than my head! I got more confirmation when I read your wonderful blog about service versus helping. So off I went to look for yarn for your shawl. When I was looking for it I was thinking about what a "real" and vibrant woman you are, you show who you are in a bright, deep and beautiful way ... guess what? the yarn almost jumped out at me...it was so clear. I was so excited to get started...I found myself a little routine; I would read your blog during the day and then go home and think about it and crochet your shawl. I would say the Serenity Prayer before I started as you mentioned this prayer was something that you liked and used. I would stop from time to time and write things down of thoughts that I would have and some of them are in this letter. A group of women started a lunch crocheting group and I would take it there with me, there were so many positive comments about it and I wasn't surprised because the loving intention of you was in it and it poured out of it. I know how much Barry and the girls mean to you so they are a part of this as well...as you will notice there is an attachment on the shawl with three individual pieces. Each one is a piece of them that can be with you even when they physically aren't. It's been a beautiful journey making this for you...this shawl will bring you comfort and love whenever you need it. 

Made with love, 
Teri xo

Family Update:
Day 1 post-operative was a busy day and certainly had its up's and down's. Over the course of the day, Mom saw 15 doctors including fellows, residents, members of the surgical team, physiotherapists and of course, Dr. Fehlings himself. I have to say, he knows how to make a patient smile. He came strolling into the room dressed to the nines with a big smile on, leading off with "hello gorgeous"! Mom, always quick on her feet said, "look at you all dressed up!", and with that he continued to flatter, "I had to, I was coming to see you!". He admitted he was a bit stumped by her the previous night when after surgery she was unable to move her right leg, when everything had gone so well in the OR. He explained how sometime the local anesthetic at the surgery site can 'leak' out onto the nerves and cause temporary paralysis like Mom experienced. Its very rare for that to happen but hey, we all know Mom is a rare case. Blood pressure was also problematic throughout the day, falling too low when she slept and she had a bout of autonomic disreflexia, and it skyrocketing. Luckily, in the Neuro ICU she is in more than capable hands and both situations were resolved without incident. At the end of the evening, we left for another restless night in the ICU. 

Exemplary Healers, Exemplary Healing. 
By: Mary Merchant

My friendship with Maureen sprang from our mutual passion for exploring and celebrating the healing powers of Animal-Assisted Therapy. Each of us has Therapy Dogs; each of us has been humbled and enriched by what these skilled healers have brought to others. And each of us has been inspired by what they’ve taught us along the way about the role of healing and healers, whether they travel on four paws or two feet. So I thought it might be fitting, in this time of healing for Maureen, to share some of these stories, tales learned at ‘the northern end of the leash’...

By rights, some of these anecdotes are really Maureen’s to tell; some belong to others, and some to me. But regardless of who ‘tells’ them, it’s the Therapy Dogs themselves who’ve created these stories, who’ve sniffed out the plots, enriched the characters, and done their level best to produce something far more important than happy endings. Healing moments are what Therapy Dogs bring to the lives they touch: a gift that each of us needs in this life, and a grace that each of us can aspire to offer others.

Maureen and I were introduced by her enchanting friend, Whinnie, a female Golden Retriever with a ‘heart as big as the Ritz’, an infectious grin at one end and non-stop tail at the other.  We met over a year ago, when they applied to the Pet Therapy Service I manage for the regional hospital here in North Bay.  Done deed! The two of them passed all the tests for certification as a Therapy Dog team and went on to complete their on-the-job training with flying colours (and the previously mentioned wagging tail!) Their assignments have been some of the toughest ones, working with patients in the Forensic division of Mental Health, and also with troubled teens, many battling depression and eating disorders. Versatile Whinnie lounges on the floor and enthusiastically shares tummy rubs with the kids. And she climbs up on a couch (yes, it’s allowed!) to snuggle with the adult psychiatric patients who so look forward to the affection and break in routine she brings. 

You can see dogs like Whinnie, and Ramsay and Ellie Mae, along with some twenty other Therapy Dogs that work at this particular hospital, on every floor, on virtually every unit. And although we thoroughly test and prepare them for their jobs, we don’t actually train them what to do when they come to work. They simply do what dogs and many other companion animal species have been doing throughout time. They reconnect humans to their wholeness, to life beyond the suffering of the moment, and to the beauty still to be found, even in the moments that are painful. They awaken the life force that lies undimmed by our afflictions, and mobilize it to promote healing. Therapy Dogs leave behind them priceless tears, grateful smiles, fuller hearts and lifted spirits. They are exemplary healers - doing what comes naturally - and doing it so very, very well.

Callander, ON

Family update from Jerri and Barry: 
It was a long day of waiting. There was a delay right off the bat, pushing the surgery time from 12:30 to 2pm. By the time 2pm rolled around, Mom was starving and reading to get this thing done. 6 hours later, the surgeons came out to tell us that they did everything they wanted to do without issue. 2 levels have been fused, decompressed and stabilized with the arthritis removed. 
When she woke up from the surgery there were some complications. She had trouble moving her legs initially but after a CT scan showed the surgery site was in good condition and steroids got the swelling under control she was able to begin moving her legs again. We left at her at 130am in the very capable hands of the neuro ICU nurses where she spent the night. She was comfortable, aware and her pain was managed. And with that, surgery day is over and now begins the long road to recovery. 

Vulnerability and its Perks
By: Kristy MacAulay
Toronto, On. 

When I was 13, I was diagnosed with scoliosis at Sick Kids Hospital. I moved out on my own at 16 and decided at 17 to have the surgery before I went away for university. It was the lovely Momma Clout who recommended to me Shriner’s to help with the surgery costs. I decided to take my boyfriend’s dad, Jim, with me to help me through it. This turned out to be one of the best “perks” of being vulnerable. Jim and I formed a bond that can only be developed through the adventure to the Shriner's Hospital for Children in Montreal.

Jim went through the exhausting pre-operative process with me, and helped fill the moments before the surgery with fun instead of worry, anxiety, or countdowns. On the actual day of surgery, he held my hand until I went through the operating room doors and was appropriately amused with my high as a kite post-op rambling.

Other than a pesky blood transfusion during my operation, the rest of my spinal fusion went well. However, I developed stomach complications that extended my stay, eventually coming home only 2 days before Christmas. I was VERY vulnerable during my hospital stay and in the months that followed of home recovery. In the hospital, I was constantly throwing up (not fun on a normal day let alone after a serious back surgery) and dealing with intense pain from the doctors trying frantically to switch my medication to help my stomach. I called myself miracle child as I was quoted 7-10 days recovery but insisted I would do it in 5 (teenagers, right?). Jim never stopped believing in miracle child, and encouraged me to keep fighting even when I was depressed and just wanted to sleep the day away. I never would have been able to see this side of him had I not gone through this experience. I would never be able to see his willingness to help someone who he knew only as his son’s girlfriend through absolute thick and thin. There are not many who would drop everything to go to Montreal to be the sole caretaker to a surgery patient.

At home, I was not able to dress myself independently and unable to carry much, if any, weight. My boyfriend had to help me put my socks and boots on for most of the winter, and carry all of my groceries for some time after. I felt like an incredible burden at the time, but looking back I see that this whole experience, which at the time was terrible, really showed me the incredible kindness of others. The understanding and kind words of the nurses in the hospital, the superhero advocacy of Jim getting me the treatment I needed, and the amazing support of everyone back at home who helped with my recovery was something that I would go through the whole process again to relive.

The wise Bob Marley said that “Vulnerability is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure” and the pleasure I found from not only the kindness everyone showed me, but the feeling of accomplishment with every step of recovery, is something that you can only achieve from opening yourself up to weakness. As cliche as it is, being truly dependent on others, made me cherish and value my independence after recovery so much more. And with that, I wish my Momma Clout luck, and hope that she values each kind word and exhilarating feeling of accomplishment along the long road to recovery.

Good Morning.  I'm up early this morning...lots to do to get ready.  I'm going on vacation. I'm going on a seven day, all inclusive vacation in Toronto at the T.W.H.

You may have heard of it, it's a fine facility, though I must admit the food is not five star but the staff are.  I must share a room. I'm so looking forward to meeting my dorm mate.  So much fun.

The activities include MRI's and X-rays and blood work daily.  Unfortunately there is no choice, it is mandatory with the stay.  The first day is a rough one as it starts with surgery!

I won't come back with a tan, and there will be a little less backbone.  Jerri says that's a good thing, I have too much anyway and there are people out there with none.  I guess they donate it to those unfortunate people.  

We arrived at the "Resort TWH" and we were not met with a welcome cocktail, in fact nothing to eat or drink, but the staff were very nice.  I was issued a beautiful three piece outfit with matching booties.  It does come with a cute little bonnet too but I think it I will wait to wear that later. The waiting starts now.  

While I'm on vacation, I have people filling in for me so drop by and see what they have to say and the family will post updates.

Today's a short one, as I have a ride to catch and my chauffeur is waiting.  Have a great week folks. 

What a glorious morning. I woke in my own bed and within a short period of time I had a hot coffee handed to me by my sweet man, and my baby dog Whinnie lying at my side. It's a rare treat for her to be up on the bed with us. It's only if one of us is here alone that's she gets invited. You know how the whole thing happens with dogs; give them an inch and the next thing they have taken over most of the bed while the two of you hang onto what's left of it.

We will be on our way shortly so I want to luxuriate in this bed a little while longer.

As I packed yesterday I felt loved. There's a beautiful prayer shawl (which you will hear more about later in another post), a lovely book form a friend, one from my sister, and a collection of rescue remedy and essential oils from Meghan. The night before we had a delicious, relaxing dinner prepared by friends who wrapped the generous leftovers in packages for Barry to take to Toronto. One final gift is laying beside me right now. Jerri bathed Whinnie yesterday and my friend Mary came over and gave her a spa pedicure, manicure and trim. She smells and looks wonderful but the softness of her fur right now makes it impossible not to pet her.

She is going to be with Shayn for the first week and will no doubt enjoy every active minute. There's bush to run in and cats to stalk. Our wonderful Kate is on back up in case we don't make it home when expected.

Jerri has prepared some food in Toronto to keep her dad fed well and will be there to play cards and keep him company as the hours are long at the hospital.

I think we're ready, but not without all of you and your kind words and wishes. It does matter, and it does make a huge difference when you know others are sending good wishes. Thank you all. When you are out and about this week, I ask one thing. Be in the moment, enjoy what you're doing and send a prayer my way.

I woke this morning and realized I have only today to get the last minute things done around the house. The next time the house is put in order it will be by somebody else. My mind was busy thinking of all the little things to pack last minute and organize when the night time silencing came off my phone. It beeped and beeped and beeped.

Once I was fully awake I reached for it to find text messages, Facebook messages and blog messages. It was great actually. It took me from the trivial stuff around here to what's important. That is family and friends.

A lot of you are going through a lot of life changes yourselves and it has been very heartening to be a part of it as I go through mine. I know I have said it before but it bares repeating, we all have challenges, emotional and/or physical. It's how we face what's put before us is what counts. I am of the belief that there is no getting away from it. You have to go through it to come out the other side whole. Denial and making nice just means it will show up again another time in life in a different situation, with the same lesson. Much easier if you get the lesson the first time I think. Most times it is simply we are much stronger than we think, we all need each other to survive and we only have limited control. Almost any situation will hand you those messages if you look hard at them.

This morning alone, I have spoken to, or had contact with four people with chronic pain conditions, along with a young man who is recovering from a spinal surgery, another is waiting for a serious heart surgery and two others whose lives are filled with emotional pain. Those are just relatives and friends that I have heard from in the last couple of hours. If you really sit and think about your circle of friends and family, you too will see you are not alone. You may be alone in your condition, but not in your pain.

Sounds ominous. It isn't. It's life. That's their path, and only one part of their lives. As I said the other day, your body is not yourself, only a part of it.

That also applies to the emotional pain. What has happened in your life has happened. You cannot change that. You do have to go through it, and once you do, it is in the past and the future is ahead of you.

Too many of us think once we have had some kind of emotional experience that we can't shake it. We have that label for life. Same is true of a physical label, it is ours for life some times but it doesn't have to be our life. You have MS for instance, you are not MS.

All of those people I spoke to this morning were loving and encouraging despite what is going on in their lives. There's always room to be kind to others. That is something that always humbles me. The capacity of the human spirit for loving kindness is endless.

Last weekend Barry and Meg put the boat in the water. They did this with the hope of me being able to get out there at least once to watch a sunset, catch a fish or simply just feel the wind on my face. All week the wind was higher than my back could handle, time was getting short. It didn't look like it was going to happen. I was going to bed at night thinking about summers past and a long fun day on the boat, fishing or swimming. I have images in my head of all of us trailing back from the marina after a long day on the water, sand on our feet, sun on our faces and smiles on everyone's faces.

The wind and sun Gods were on our side yesterday. We did it! It wasn't a long day on the boat but we made it a fantastic hour on the boat. Meg, Barry and I picked up some chip stand fries and went out in the middle of the lake to eat them. The sun was wonderful, I closed my eyes and we moved through the water and the spray of the waves hit my face. I wanted to take it all in so I can imagine it whenever I choose.

After our luxury lunch we broke out the fishing poles. By then I was already fatigued so I fished for a few minutes then put the seat back and laid down to watch Meg and Barry fish. Meg caught one. Anyone who has been fishing with me knows what I did next...I got up off that comfortable reclined seat and started fishing again. I had to get one. Meg ended up catching another and Barry caught two. I did catch a fish, but I put him back, I may catch him again in a few years. Let's just say his time wasn't up yet. They were all too small to keep but fun to catch. I felt fulfilled and happy as we headed home. Seeing Whinnie perched on the back of the boat with a smile on her face does my heart good. She's a funny dog. Such a fun day.

The last call I got before writing this morning was from my neurosurgeon's office. They called to change the time of my surgery. It is same day, Thank God, but now instead of 6am I show up at 9.30am. A little more civilized, but no more changes....please. I get it, I'm not in control!