I was high on adrenalin and the affects of powerful steroids for ten days straight. I knew a crash was coming. I was told by the nurses doctors and even had a Four o'clock Friday afternoon visit from the pharmacist. She knew the way the drug was being tapered I was in for a crash. It is medically necessary for the spinal health and it is just one of the side effects we live with. Her only suggestion was to leave a script for sedation. I was bewildered. I was the per taper drug induced superwoman she was talking to. No, of course I won't need a sedative. Sure I may be emotional but my family's here. I'm good. I wasn't being dismissive; it was just too hard to imag-ine how hard I was about to crash while I was still feeling like a fighter.
I had a wonderful visit with family, friends, Whinnie and another beautiful golden named Buster who was here with his handler for two hours today. We exchanged stories about pet therapy and how he is new to it. He loved the sound of our program and we got along well as did the dogs. Two beautiful dogs vieing for my attention is a good afternoon. Meg and I held down the fort as Jerri and Barry did the grocery shopping for the week.
Armed with a wonderful deli meal, Jerri and Barry arrived at dinner time and we went to the kitchen to eat at a table like a family. Some normalcy.
We left there and went up on the roof top Terrace to sit in the sun. It was peaceful, beautiful the sun was shining and within minutes I was crying.
All it took was a conversation about my room and the thought of moving to a semi-private. We are very unclear how it is covered and at what cost.
I became instantly frantic at the thought of having to move from my room. I am so incredibly raw that I can't deal with anybody else's emotions. I see families and I have to not engage. I can't wonder why that young mans scull is caved in, I can't see the little girl leading her dad along as though it is her now in charge. I have survived to date by drawing in, breathing, letting it out. One massive step at a time.
I cried in the most undignified way, then cleaned myself up and left it for another day. I can't deal with that today. I need to focus on the body. My emotional outbreak is not okay.
We went back to the room where Meghan gave me an incredible foot massage that worked out dozens of knots I didn't even know I had, it feels so much better.
I sent my amazing family home before 9pm. They have had such a crazy few days I wanted them to debrief together without me. I was happy when I heard they had stopped at a pub on the way. I nestled into bed and tried to refocus. One blip in the road and surely more to come.
I had a wonderful visit with family, friends, Whinnie and another beautiful golden named Buster who was here with his handler for two hours today. We exchanged stories about pet therapy and how he is new to it. He loved the sound of our program and we got along well as did the dogs. Two beautiful dogs vieing for my attention is a good afternoon. Meg and I held down the fort as Jerri and Barry did the grocery shopping for the week.
Armed with a wonderful deli meal, Jerri and Barry arrived at dinner time and we went to the kitchen to eat at a table like a family. Some normalcy.
We left there and went up on the roof top Terrace to sit in the sun. It was peaceful, beautiful the sun was shining and within minutes I was crying.
All it took was a conversation about my room and the thought of moving to a semi-private. We are very unclear how it is covered and at what cost.
I became instantly frantic at the thought of having to move from my room. I am so incredibly raw that I can't deal with anybody else's emotions. I see families and I have to not engage. I can't wonder why that young mans scull is caved in, I can't see the little girl leading her dad along as though it is her now in charge. I have survived to date by drawing in, breathing, letting it out. One massive step at a time.
I cried in the most undignified way, then cleaned myself up and left it for another day. I can't deal with that today. I need to focus on the body. My emotional outbreak is not okay.
We went back to the room where Meghan gave me an incredible foot massage that worked out dozens of knots I didn't even know I had, it feels so much better.
I sent my amazing family home before 9pm. They have had such a crazy few days I wanted them to debrief together without me. I was happy when I heard they had stopped at a pub on the way. I nestled into bed and tried to refocus. One blip in the road and surely more to come.
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