It's just after midnight and I had settled down to sleep at 10 thinking tonight was the night I may actually fall asleep and stay asleep. It hasn't happened and although my body has started to be able to feel fatigue it can't actually let go and give into it.
It is one of the many contradictory situations I find myself in.
I have been awake, hyper alert and bursting with energy and being held captive in a body that couldn't move well. I felt as though the energy would burst through me at times as I sat there trying not to fidget every minute of every hour. Every sound around me was amplified and the activity in surrounding rooms was clear and distracting. I tried to cover the physical manifestations of it because it is disturbing to watch. It meant my hands constantly touching or rubbing my legs and face or constrained as I held them on my lap.
Finally with the first decrease in the steroid I find myself a lulling feeling a calm at times mixed with the hyper, jumpiness I was feeling. I have trouble following conversations if two people talk at once and abandoned if a full conversation happens around me.
Last evening after the first major drop in medication and the low I was told I would experience has arrived. It was a bottoming out feeling. I had a consultation with the pharmacist before she left and she wanted to leave me a sedation in case it was unbearable. I was so 'up' while that was happening that I couldn't even entertain the idea. I felt certain I would be fine.
Thankfully my family was here for reassurance and we got through it. I have several more drops to come in the following couple of weeks so I'm not looking forward to that.
The same medication is wreaking havoc on my blood sugar and I am left with shakiness, extreme hunger, and cravings. I have to eat every two hours on a schedule and stay away from sugar. We didn't find out until day three and we now realize that cookies and tea were not the appropriate snack food for me.
My hands shake when I see food if I wait too long and I eat very quickly and without pleasure.
Bowl and bladder function, or lack there of, are a constant conversation with spinal injury. Mine are working but need assistance. Dignity is out the window and my determination is now what is necessary.
With the morning comes some kind of clarity again. I decide to take a little more charge and get all health related concerns looked after by calling the doctor in today. Wound checked, blood pressure regulated, along with blood sugar levels and a diet that can help that.
Then off to physio where I demanded some goals and aspirations to strive for. Got it.
Then my angel guardian of a Occupational therapist, came by and had me fitted for a custom gel wheel chair. It is much more functional has cooling gel to deal with the staples in my back.
I was met by another doctor who invited me the the new mindful meditation group that meets this afternoon.
All in all, it is lunch time and I feel more together than all last week.
It might work out here after all.
Mary and Sam arrived just before three today and I was resting in bed, a first for me. I was feeling a little unwell and not sure why, so I had gone to lie down. It was so fantastic to see them. It seems like every time I see a new face of someone I love brings me new hope and make me want try harder and do better.
It turned out we found out rather quickly why I was feeling so unwell. An infection had settled into the bladder and needed an antibiotic. Two days and I should be good as new.
Barry showed Mary and Sam around while I attended my first mindfulness course. It was an interesting mix of people and one I found very challenging to be a part of. Some of these people call this place home.
After class we met again and Sam and Barry went out to order dinner for us compliments of my sister Queen and her family. What a wonderful treat that was. We sat in the kitchen and enjoyed it with Jerri and later got a coffee and went to the terrace to watch the sun set. Another day in the books.
It is one of the many contradictory situations I find myself in.
I have been awake, hyper alert and bursting with energy and being held captive in a body that couldn't move well. I felt as though the energy would burst through me at times as I sat there trying not to fidget every minute of every hour. Every sound around me was amplified and the activity in surrounding rooms was clear and distracting. I tried to cover the physical manifestations of it because it is disturbing to watch. It meant my hands constantly touching or rubbing my legs and face or constrained as I held them on my lap.
Finally with the first decrease in the steroid I find myself a lulling feeling a calm at times mixed with the hyper, jumpiness I was feeling. I have trouble following conversations if two people talk at once and abandoned if a full conversation happens around me.
Last evening after the first major drop in medication and the low I was told I would experience has arrived. It was a bottoming out feeling. I had a consultation with the pharmacist before she left and she wanted to leave me a sedation in case it was unbearable. I was so 'up' while that was happening that I couldn't even entertain the idea. I felt certain I would be fine.
Thankfully my family was here for reassurance and we got through it. I have several more drops to come in the following couple of weeks so I'm not looking forward to that.
The same medication is wreaking havoc on my blood sugar and I am left with shakiness, extreme hunger, and cravings. I have to eat every two hours on a schedule and stay away from sugar. We didn't find out until day three and we now realize that cookies and tea were not the appropriate snack food for me.
My hands shake when I see food if I wait too long and I eat very quickly and without pleasure.
Bowl and bladder function, or lack there of, are a constant conversation with spinal injury. Mine are working but need assistance. Dignity is out the window and my determination is now what is necessary.
With the morning comes some kind of clarity again. I decide to take a little more charge and get all health related concerns looked after by calling the doctor in today. Wound checked, blood pressure regulated, along with blood sugar levels and a diet that can help that.
Then off to physio where I demanded some goals and aspirations to strive for. Got it.
Then my angel guardian of a Occupational therapist, came by and had me fitted for a custom gel wheel chair. It is much more functional has cooling gel to deal with the staples in my back.
I was met by another doctor who invited me the the new mindful meditation group that meets this afternoon.
All in all, it is lunch time and I feel more together than all last week.
It might work out here after all.
Mary and Sam arrived just before three today and I was resting in bed, a first for me. I was feeling a little unwell and not sure why, so I had gone to lie down. It was so fantastic to see them. It seems like every time I see a new face of someone I love brings me new hope and make me want try harder and do better.
It turned out we found out rather quickly why I was feeling so unwell. An infection had settled into the bladder and needed an antibiotic. Two days and I should be good as new.
Barry showed Mary and Sam around while I attended my first mindfulness course. It was an interesting mix of people and one I found very challenging to be a part of. Some of these people call this place home.
After class we met again and Sam and Barry went out to order dinner for us compliments of my sister Queen and her family. What a wonderful treat that was. We sat in the kitchen and enjoyed it with Jerri and later got a coffee and went to the terrace to watch the sun set. Another day in the books.
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