On Saturday, I woke in a bad mood. I opened my eyes and my immediate thought was defeat. It had been eight weeks since my surgery. I had spent 5 days in ICU, 2 in Neuro Step down, and 27 in a rehab centre. Barry was there every day with me, so was Jerri, and Meghan every weekend. We had been home a total of three weeks when I found out I would require another major surgery. I have worked extremely hard to get where I am today both emotionally and physically, I didn't want to think about doing that all over again. I couldn't. I felt depressed. Barry felt depressed and we later talked to Jerri who sounded so unlike herself I thought it was someone else who had picked up her phone. She had been thinking about the surgery too. Meg was on a much anticipated camping trip and luckily away from the thoughts of surgery.
So on Saturday I wrote about depression, which I found hard to do, but I know how important it is to acknowledge that it is a part of the process.
Depression is a common problem amongst those of us who deal with chronic situations. One of the main reasons for this is biology as stated here from an article on Web M.D.
"Some of the overlap between depression and chronic pain can be explained by biology. Depression and chronic pain share some of the same neurotransmitters -- brain chemicals that act as messengers traveling between nerves. Depression and chronic pain also share some of the same nerve pathways."
While that is one of the reasons, I feel the main reason is the loss of independence and social interactions to be a strong contributing factor. Many times life feels like it goes on without you.
There are many things I can't do that I once loved to do. Canoeing, wilderness camping, or even an all day shopping trip with my girls to name a couple. I have over the years seen what it can do to relationships and my state of mind, therefore I have pushed myself to do whatever I can to be social. There are days when that is just not possible, and we all have those days, but don't let there be too many of those. Having people around you and adapting the situation so that you can have people around you is so worth it. With other people comes news of their lives and something other than what is happening to you to talk about. Yes it is great to commiserate with others, but you can only do that for so long before you and the other person gets tired of hearing it.
So back to Saturday, I was feeling like I had good reason to be feeling the way I was and I certainly understood Barry. He had been and still is the ultimate caregiver, and that's a tough job. When I heard Jerri's voice I couldn't handle it. She deserves so much more, more than to be sitting at home in Toronto worried about me. None of us can change what is going to happen. What we can change is our attitude about it. I encouraged her to go out with friends which she did on Saturday night. It had worked for us the night before. Barry and I had gone to our dear friend's house for a retirement party. It felt good to be among friends and celebrate life.
Saturday we just puttered around the house and it was a dreary day, we had let the enormity of the situation get to both of us.
Barry was painting our front door and I was sitting in the living room chatting with him when my friend Mary showed up to drag us out of our slump. Mary just appeared with the gift of Homemade jam. Ironically that morning Barry had said we were out of Jam! It was so nice to have someone break up the afternoon with us and change our thinking a little. Jerri did go out with friends on Saturday night and for a hike with friends on Sunday. Barry, Whinnie and I took the boat out in the Bay on Sunday. We floated around and read our books. I even had a dip in the lake to cool off. We made plans to go out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary with friends that evening.
I won't say the slump is over, or that it won't hit us again, but we all sure put a dent in it with positive experiences with friends!
So on Saturday I wrote about depression, which I found hard to do, but I know how important it is to acknowledge that it is a part of the process.
Depression is a common problem amongst those of us who deal with chronic situations. One of the main reasons for this is biology as stated here from an article on Web M.D.
"Some of the overlap between depression and chronic pain can be explained by biology. Depression and chronic pain share some of the same neurotransmitters -- brain chemicals that act as messengers traveling between nerves. Depression and chronic pain also share some of the same nerve pathways."
While that is one of the reasons, I feel the main reason is the loss of independence and social interactions to be a strong contributing factor. Many times life feels like it goes on without you.
There are many things I can't do that I once loved to do. Canoeing, wilderness camping, or even an all day shopping trip with my girls to name a couple. I have over the years seen what it can do to relationships and my state of mind, therefore I have pushed myself to do whatever I can to be social. There are days when that is just not possible, and we all have those days, but don't let there be too many of those. Having people around you and adapting the situation so that you can have people around you is so worth it. With other people comes news of their lives and something other than what is happening to you to talk about. Yes it is great to commiserate with others, but you can only do that for so long before you and the other person gets tired of hearing it.
So back to Saturday, I was feeling like I had good reason to be feeling the way I was and I certainly understood Barry. He had been and still is the ultimate caregiver, and that's a tough job. When I heard Jerri's voice I couldn't handle it. She deserves so much more, more than to be sitting at home in Toronto worried about me. None of us can change what is going to happen. What we can change is our attitude about it. I encouraged her to go out with friends which she did on Saturday night. It had worked for us the night before. Barry and I had gone to our dear friend's house for a retirement party. It felt good to be among friends and celebrate life.
Saturday we just puttered around the house and it was a dreary day, we had let the enormity of the situation get to both of us.
Barry was painting our front door and I was sitting in the living room chatting with him when my friend Mary showed up to drag us out of our slump. Mary just appeared with the gift of Homemade jam. Ironically that morning Barry had said we were out of Jam! It was so nice to have someone break up the afternoon with us and change our thinking a little. Jerri did go out with friends on Saturday night and for a hike with friends on Sunday. Barry, Whinnie and I took the boat out in the Bay on Sunday. We floated around and read our books. I even had a dip in the lake to cool off. We made plans to go out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary with friends that evening.
I won't say the slump is over, or that it won't hit us again, but we all sure put a dent in it with positive experiences with friends!
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