The catch is the amount of time I am actually in the machine. Anything under an hour and fifteen minutes is a bonus. That's a long time. I remember getting an MRI for my knee at some point and was shocked when at the twenty minute mark they told me I was done. I almost kissed the technician.
Knowing there was a plan to see family afterward this time made it something to just get through which I did. The drive to Ottawa from Toronto on a holiday weekend was another story. It was brutal. The traffic was unbelievable. I set up a nest of pillows in the back seat and laid down the whole way. The whole way turned out to be 7 and a half hours.
The rest of the weekend made up for the trip. A BBQ to celebrate Brad and Aishling's baby-to-be that included the girls and their lifelong friends the Graham girls on Saturday, and a wonderful pool day at Jay and Tara's on Saturday. It is such fun to see the girls with their cousins and their children playing in the pool as the guitars played poolside. I finally felt like a contributing member driving us back home after the pool day, and again today driving halfway to Callander.
The progress I'm making is bittersweet. I am feeling much stronger as each day goes by, and my mobility is slowly but surely is coming along. I'm happy I have pushed myself to walk everyday, be with people daily and try to focus on the day I'm having and not too much on what's ahead. It has helped me a lot but honestly there are times when I just feel deflated. Like the air coming out of a balloon, I just feel flat. That's when I get my strength directly from others, and dig deep within to find what I know is there. So memories from this Saturday; seeing sweet baby clothes, the smell of new pampers, a freshly, expertly painted nursery and Aishling's very pregnant belly will stay with me. Sunday is no exception there is nothing like floating in the pool surrounded by three generations of family and lifetime friends. The kids laughter and great conversations and excellent food will add to my stored away memories I will need to pull out again and again.
What I know without a doubt is no matter what I do, or how I feel, the days of August will come and go. On the 26th I will be lying on that gurney, once again waiting to be wheeled into the O.R. So I want to squeeze every bit of summer out of these next weeks so I have the healthy glow that living outside brings, along the sense of satisfaction those sun soaked beach days bring. Campfires and s'mores, guitars and beautiful voices, the wind blown hair from a day on the boat and a heart full of memories with family and friends, is what I'll be bringing into that O.R with me this time. I'm grateful for these coming weeks, and all of you who share it with me.