Pain Fog: Living in spite of Chronic Pain
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Day 165. 

8/11/2015

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Even writing has become difficult. I think it is the constant reminder from agencies, and doctors visits and phone calls that doesn't allow me to be in the moment enough to enjoy. Yesterday I had had five calls by 1pm from medical people. One from an occupational therapist who was arranging picking up my new walker. Not really a purchase I'm excited about let's face it! It is a pretty jazzy looking thing for a walker but it is still a walker, and I'm 53, it's not for my Mother but for me. Last week we purchased a portable wheelchair, once again, hard to be happy about that. It is my favourite colour, red, though. 

What a day like that can do, is steal you out of the present and not allow you to enjoy what's around you. I had to "put on my big girls panties" as they say and dig my way out. I was lying on the couch and it hit me. We needed comedy. I looked at what was playing at the cinema and sure enough there was a stupid funny movie playing. It took me but a second to think about who else needed it, then we called friends to join us. The movie is called Vacation. It did not disappoint. I laughed so hard I hurt my back, but it was worth it. We all laughed and went for a drink afterward. All we could talk about was the movie, not our troubles. It was a simple plan that worked. The biggest effort was me allowing it to happen, making it happen when it would have been easier to lie on that couch. 

I had the opportunity to hear Barry and his band,The Blackbirds play at one of the member's daughter's wedding on Saturday. Again I had to make it happen. It was a tough decision because my solid side kick couldn't be my side kick, he'd be on stage. I almost backed out a million times. The thought of finding what still fits me was answered when a friend handed over the perfect dress to me. The concern over how comfortable I would be was answered when father of the bride suggested we just bring any chair and they would make it work. 

Being in a room full of strangers in my condition is always a concern. There was no need for that, there were a room full of welcoming people half of which were Newfoundlanders who came to talk with me immediately. 

The problem of me getting there was solved, by not one, by three offers of people to drive me. Two of which weren't even invited and would have to turn around to drive the thirty minutes back to town. My friend Jim had offered to take his Saturday night to pick me up in his Porche drive me there and come back and get me later. I'm a lucky girl. One of the other wives of a band member was taking her own car so she drove me to and from. I must admit, it would have been a good fun to show up in a Porche with my private driver! 

I went and it all worked out. I looked reasonably good, even with my chair and cane in tow. No I couldn't dance, but I had wonderful conversations with people from Newfoundland, England and Canada. And the wives of the band members got a lot closer last night as we shared many stories from our past and laughed the night away. 

I took a risk and it paid off. Most importantly, I got to see Barry and the guys rock it out on stage again. Two lovely young people exchanged vows and we were all teary eyed and happy for them. Physically I'm in pain but I had fun and got out, it's worth it! 

Sometimes the less you want to do the more you have to do, and there are other times when I slow right down or stop. The key is knowing what is called for. This weekend I needed to keep going, with some rests in between. My mental health called for being around people, and I'm sure Barry would say the same about himself. There is only two weeks of summer left for me, so I have to do as much as I can while I can. 

With that thought in mind we slept a little later Sunday, then called friends to come out on the boat to float in the Bay, have a picnic and a swim. We finished the weekend off having a BBQ dinner with another couple for dinner. We are squeezed every minute out of these last few days and we feel so satisfied that we did so. We spend the last minutes of the evening floating in the lake watching the sun come down on this great weekend. Too easy to sit back and do nothing, but so much fun not too! 

Back to reality this Monday morning as I go get fitted for a walker that I will be buying; but there are still two weeks to go before the surgery, let's see what else we can do to make this summer fun!
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    Maureen Clout

    I'm going in for a 4th neurosurgery; this time it's a repair to my lumbar fusion. Here, I will post my daily updates on dealing with diagnosis, surgery and recovery. Join me on my journey.

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