I am losing more sleep as time goes on. My legs are mostly the cause as they wake me with involuntary muscle movement. Once awake I then have trouble going back to sleep. I suspect it is the processing of what's about to be. I'm one week pre-surgery today. I do a good job of leaving in the moment, but when it is quiet and I am caught unaware, my thoughts go to,what's ahead of me once again. Fear, fatigue and defeat can creep in and steal my peace of mind and determination. I can do this, I have six days to go, then it is totally out of my hands, and into my surgeons.
My belief is that I will be okay. My common sense and self preservation, allows me to delve a little into what is needed to get past August 26 th and the days that follow. I know I have always had what it takes to move forward and be resilient, I can usually put on myself for that. What scares me most is that the fatigue will take over. It's been an incredible hard year for this body of mine.
Today what is top of mind is to enjoy the last day here with Taka and Shinako. We woke early and went fishing. No catching, just fishing, but it was incredible to be out there on the water so early and see the calmness of the lake. It made me teary eyed sitting there watching him fishing. When you have an open mind and heart, anything is possible. Our Japanese son is proof of that theory.
At the airport tonight it was so hard to say goodbye again. We were all so emotional. There is a perfect quote for times like this. "Don't be sad it's over, be happy that it happened." ~Dr. Suess