Pain Fog: Living in spite of Chronic Pain
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Day 173. Fighting it off. 

8/21/2015

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I honestly felt I was going to go down the long road to depression when I heard I'd have to have a third surgery. I had fought it off all through the chronic pain; the many days of not being able to do much of anything except write, read and watch T.V. and the loneness that evokes. It had been a difficult winter weather wise, which coincided with a downfall in my mobility and increase in pain. That left us inside for much of the winter and mostly in front of a T.V watching Netflex. Not the way we had wanted to spend our winter. We had thought by winter I would be fully recovered from the September surgery and ready to ice fish, snow shoe and enjoy taking Whinnie, our Golden Retriever, out in the bush for long nature walks. It didn't happen that way, by January I was very debilitated once again. We did however get through the winter. It was a rough, isolating and painful one, but we got through it. 

May surgery proved to be much more difficult. It was, by the time I got to check myself in for surgery, almost impossible for me to walk. The leg pain was excruciating. In my imagination I had cut that leg off many times. As Jerri would remind me, I would probably have phantom pain if I did that!! 

The recovery from this surgery has been a very long process. It is not uncommon for it to be a year before someone feels like themselves from a complicated spinal fusion. Typically physiotherapy to strengthen the area, legs and overall movement doesn't start in earnest until the three month mark. Surgeons like to see some bone growth before intense Physio is started. During the days and weeks leading up to the three month mark walking is essential. It helps rebuild muscle, stamina and also helps with pain and cramping. It takes a while for the body to get used to the hardware that is restricting movement and learn a new way of doing things. 

I feel I am at a good point right now to begin intensive Physio. If of course, I weren't about to have another surgery. 

As you can see, it is not as straight forward as many other surgeries. There is a slow process that must be followed to ensure proper healing. I'm at a higher risk due to the spinal cord injury, and some other complications, so that makes the timelines for recovery all the slower. Thankfully I am recovering in the summer when walking is easy, I can't imagine how this would feel in the winter months. 

So now I head into the process all over again. My goal is to keep my head up. To try my best to get through every day, doing what I need to do to move this along as quickly and as effectively as possible. We want our lives back. We want to be able to do the things we love to do. I want my independence back. Most importantly, I want Barry to have his independence back. I have been so reliant on him he hasn't even been able to cycle this summer. 

This time I believe it will happen and once again keep depression at bay. I know I can't just think positive and it will all go away, but I can go into this with the attitude of I will do whatever it takes to make this work! 

This has become a marathon, and I'm a sprint kind of person, but I am finding my way.

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    Maureen Clout

    I'm going in for a 4th neurosurgery; this time it's a repair to my lumbar fusion. Here, I will post my daily updates on dealing with diagnosis, surgery and recovery. Join me on my journey.

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