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Day 221.  Perspective.

10/8/2015

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On the eve of Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, I can honestly say I have a lot to be thankful for. I can walk, my bowel and bladder function and I am at home and not in a rehabilitation centre right now.

Let me rephrase that last statement.  I could say.....

I'm having difficultly being thankful this Thanksgiving.  I have had three surgeries in less than a year, which have left me with diminished bowel and bladder function.  I can only walk with a walker outside and not alone.  I have lived with pain and discomfort for most of my adult life. I always need someone by my side.  I have no independence and we don't know how much function I will get back.  We don't even know if this surgery will be a success until we see a CT scan in November.

I said, I could say.  I don't. While both statements about my body are true, very accurate and without exaggeration; I have a choice about my perspective. With perspective comes expectations and motivation. I have learned along time ago that perception is what's makes a situation bearable. If I kept thinking that things were not going to work out for me then all the time and effort I put into Physio would feel like a waste. I know for sure it is never a waste.

I worked hard after my last surgery. Rehabilitation is never easy, but I set my mind to doing the best I could do.  It was very disheartening to learn I had to have another surgery, when I had worked so hard to get myself in shape. What I didn't realize was how much all that walking, and rehabilitation would help me gain strength  far quicker than anyone expected this time around.   I was on my feet and walking very quickly after surgery. I was still in ICU and walking with the walker and a physiotherapist down a hallway. I felt more confident because my legs felt stronger.

That is the perfect silver lining. Had I not done all of that hard work of gaining strength I would have been much weaker after this surgery and most certainly been sent to the rehabilitation hospital once again. So I am not happy that I had to have another surgery but I didn't feel I had wasted my time getting stronger because it paid off.  It was the silver lining of this experience.

Had I not had the attitude of assuming everything is well until we know differently, I would not have continued with the walking and therefore would not have had the benefit of the strength it gave me. I'm thankful that I am able to keep focused and move forward.  

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    Maureen Clout

    I'm going in for a 4th neurosurgery; this time it's a repair to my lumbar fusion. Here, I will post my daily updates on dealing with diagnosis, surgery and recovery. Join me on my journey.

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