Today marks the 14th "anniversary" of my spinal cord surgery. I didn't know that when I woke up today yet I was stressed, weepy and overall very emotional. I spent the morning feeling that way. Thankfully a special friend was celebrating her birthday with a lunch date. I couldn't miss it because we are the ladies who met at a pain meditation course and inevitably we have a small turn out. It's understandable considering where and why we met, but I made a decision to make an extra effort to meet with this group even while in pain. The way I look at it is they will likely be in pain too so if I can at all I attend then I will, especially on a occasion like a birthday.
I spent the morning crying for no particular reason, then got myself together and went out to lunch where we could laugh and talk about the challenges we all were experiencing along with our good news as well.
Once I realized it was the same day of my spinal surgery I wondered if the body remembers. That day and the fourteen days afterward was a time of turmoil for me and my body and certainly for my young family. A family I had said goodbye to, promising to see them in a week. It was several weeks before I saw the girls and it was from my hospital bed in Toronto. The news was grim for two little girls, their Mom couldn't walk. What they didn't know was I was just grateful to be alive. It had been a two weeks in ICU with serious concerns daily and a near death experience.
That was a lot of years ago, yet today it felt very familiar again. I had experienced PTSD from my two weeks in ICU and watching those die around me and the near death experience of my own. I think today was the remnants of that.
PTSD is a curious thing, it affects people in various ways and in varying degrees. In my experience I've learned that time does not necessarily heal it all, but its what you do with the time thats important. I will write more about PTSD in a future post, but for today I will say, I pulled out my usual stops; I cried, let it out, all out, I called a friend, used rescue remedy( a natural product for anxiety to bring calmness), saw my friends for lunch and laughed, and finally saw a counsellor.
Tonight, I feel better. Mostly because I know where it came from and why I was vulnerable to it. I'm spent! My family is spent, and we all need this to be successful.
So tomorrow is another day, and one that starts with a very early appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon so I'm thankful that my bad day was today and that it is over.
I spent the morning crying for no particular reason, then got myself together and went out to lunch where we could laugh and talk about the challenges we all were experiencing along with our good news as well.
Once I realized it was the same day of my spinal surgery I wondered if the body remembers. That day and the fourteen days afterward was a time of turmoil for me and my body and certainly for my young family. A family I had said goodbye to, promising to see them in a week. It was several weeks before I saw the girls and it was from my hospital bed in Toronto. The news was grim for two little girls, their Mom couldn't walk. What they didn't know was I was just grateful to be alive. It had been a two weeks in ICU with serious concerns daily and a near death experience.
That was a lot of years ago, yet today it felt very familiar again. I had experienced PTSD from my two weeks in ICU and watching those die around me and the near death experience of my own. I think today was the remnants of that.
PTSD is a curious thing, it affects people in various ways and in varying degrees. In my experience I've learned that time does not necessarily heal it all, but its what you do with the time thats important. I will write more about PTSD in a future post, but for today I will say, I pulled out my usual stops; I cried, let it out, all out, I called a friend, used rescue remedy( a natural product for anxiety to bring calmness), saw my friends for lunch and laughed, and finally saw a counsellor.
Tonight, I feel better. Mostly because I know where it came from and why I was vulnerable to it. I'm spent! My family is spent, and we all need this to be successful.
So tomorrow is another day, and one that starts with a very early appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon so I'm thankful that my bad day was today and that it is over.
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