I gave myself a deadline. I could wallow a bit, feel a bit sorry for myself, get all of the negative thoughts out and then I had to move on. Friday afternoon was my soft deadline and the end of the weekend is the hard deadline. I chose to do this because if gives me freedom to let it all out but then get on with life afterward. I have found this to be helpful in the past because I have noticed that if not given a voice the fear, anger, disappointment will raise it's ugly head in some form or another, so I might as well give it permission.
Vulnerability is a curious thing. it is not seen as a positive or even useful emotion in our society. We are constantly reassured and bolstered up when we are feeling down about anything. A little soul searching and tears are not the end of the world. I am a honest person, some may say honest to a fault, andI have always felt it important -- yet when it comes to pain, honesty is a funny thing. When asked "How are you?" you learn quite quickly who to answer honesty. Let's face it, no matter how close a friend or family member is nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to talk about somebody's pain all the time. It is depressing. I get sick of saying it myself. So I try to be the stoic person who has pain and health issues, but gets on with life anyway.
When handed a fresh crisis like this one, I need a little break from being stoic. I need to have a planned break down and let it all hang out, but only for a short time. It's a slippery slope. Depression can take hold and you can feel justified in it's existence, so you have to be very careful. The "poor me's" are unattractive and unproductive so they have to have a lifespan and it has to be short.
Vulnerability is a curious thing. it is not seen as a positive or even useful emotion in our society. We are constantly reassured and bolstered up when we are feeling down about anything. A little soul searching and tears are not the end of the world. I am a honest person, some may say honest to a fault, andI have always felt it important -- yet when it comes to pain, honesty is a funny thing. When asked "How are you?" you learn quite quickly who to answer honesty. Let's face it, no matter how close a friend or family member is nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to talk about somebody's pain all the time. It is depressing. I get sick of saying it myself. So I try to be the stoic person who has pain and health issues, but gets on with life anyway.
When handed a fresh crisis like this one, I need a little break from being stoic. I need to have a planned break down and let it all hang out, but only for a short time. It's a slippery slope. Depression can take hold and you can feel justified in it's existence, so you have to be very careful. The "poor me's" are unattractive and unproductive so they have to have a lifespan and it has to be short.
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