The excitement I felt that day is a little like what I am feeling today. On May 1st, 1995, we were excited to meet our new baby and the possibility of all she would become. Today May 1st, 2015, we are seeing what she has become. She is a beautiful, kind, intelligent young woman who cares deeply for the world we live in. What more could parents ask for? She will make her mark in the world, but it will be with a light footprint. She is studying at University of Guelph in the Marine Biology program and this summer will work on research pertaining to fish in the North East at Laurentian University.
Meg came into this world to a happy mother. She was a gorgeous nine pounds with strawberry blond hair and huge blue eyes, that barely ever closed!
It wasn't long after Meg was born that my pain began. She was eighteen months old. It has always bothered me that for most of her life I have been in pain. I'm not sure if, or how, it affects a child but I do know you can try to hide pain all you want, but it comes through in many different ways.
I was told not to lift her when she was eighteen months old. I wouldn't carry her at that time because my legs had become unpredictable, and give out from time to time. I was always afraid I'd have her in my arms one of those times and hurt her when I fell. It is impossible not to lift an eighteen month old. She couldn't get into or out of a bath on her own, and the same can be said for her crib. So I did lift her but as little as possible because it was very painful. You know exactly what happens with a child when they can't have something, they want it more. Meg who was fiercely independent and always wanted to walk on her own suddenly had a new favourite saying-~ carry me Momma, carry me.
Her Dad would swoop down and pick her up and make it a game. She soon became a Daddy's little girl, and still is. She has a great Dad and who could blame her.
The one time I could carry her was in a pool and we enjoyed that so much. Meg loved the water so we went often. She loved it so much she became a lifeguard and worked at the very pool we spent so much time at.
There is no good time to have pain, but having young children while you are in pain increases the guilt you feel tenfold. I did everything I could to be the kind of Mom I wanted to be and the kind of Mom my girls deserved. They had a rich childhood filled with outdoor play, sprinklers, and water balloons in the summer time with friends, and snowmen and igloos in the winter months. Those were the kinds of things I could still do. Offering ideas and getting them the few things they needed to have an adventurous time. We had a host of craft supplies in our house which were used daily. Our kitchen table became a hub of activity, which I just couldn't part with and is in our laundry room now. It is a wooden table with paint, scraps, and dents. It is so well loved from the many hours of crafts the girls and their friends enjoyed over the years. I had one rule. You have to clean it up! Barry remembers walking into the house many times with paints everywhere, play-doh and life sized pictures taped to the walls. He would shake his head, and think, I don't know how she does it. I did it because it was what I could do. I could let them have a little chaos to be creative, in the boundaries I had provided. I could sit with them and be creative, or lie on the couch if need be, but we had fun.
In our house there was always music playing and I tried to make it a lighthearted, carefree place for the girls to grow up. Through the day I gave it my all, often needing a nap when they did, but when dinner was done so was I. The girls had strict bedtime routines and it kept all of us happy.
So today as my beautiful girl gets on with her life, I hope I have done everything I could to help her become the beautiful young woman she has grown up to be.
Meg of my heart, I love you. Xo