I was one of those girls who had big dreams about my life and what I wanted to do, but it always included a marriage and children. That was until it was challenged.
I had been with a man who I thought I would marry. Without much warning he changed his mind and decided he didn't want to have children. My life changed that day. I knew for sure if I could physically have children I wanted to. If I couldn't physically have children, then I would adopt. Choosing not to have children was not an option I was willing to entertain under these circumstances. Had we gone down the long road of infertility, than perhaps I would have chosen that life as a default, but to willingly make that decision to not have kids was not something I able to entertain.
Ending that relationship was an extreme turning point in my life. I felt so strongly about my decision that I decided it wasn't a good idea for us to live in the same community. Hell, I took it a step further and moved permanently to another province.
It was me trusting my heart, knowing what I wanted in life, and believing I was worthy of at least going for it. It was that conviction that allowed me to go off and make it happen, if it was meant to be. I'm not saying it was easy, it certainly wasn't. It was very difficult. It meant not living in the same province as I had grown up in, not being around family, and for once really being on my own.
I remember flying into North Bay from Newfoundland. The sun was setting over the lake it looked so gorgeous it took my breath away. I had cried enough, I had thought enough, my decision was made. It felt a little daunting, but as that plane landed the sense of empowerment that came over me was all I needed to start my new life.
That whole experience was one of the most life affirming for me. Within weeks I had moved into a new apartment, started dating Barry, had a new car and was well on my way.
I say started dating Barry as though he was part of some kind of new life package. I don't want to diminish how much the connection with him affirmed my decision being the right one. What became clear very early on was he was the right one. He was who I was meant to be with, without a question or shadow of a doubt, things happen for a reason. He was my reason. All the little sayings about things happen for a reason, when one door closes another one opens, when you love yourself you will find the love of your life, I could go on and on, they all apply. And besides, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your handsome prince.
Beyond anything in my life, being a mother is the most cherished, and important thing I have ever done or will ever do. From the day we found out we we pregnant with Jerri to this very day, Barry and I have grown as a couple because of the life Jerri and Meghan have brought to us. We have always felt privileged to be their parents and so very fortunate to have happy healthy children.
On this Mother's Day weekend I was reminded of how different my life could have been had I not had the courage to make the right decision for myself. It also has shown me how pushing through tough times can lead you to a very rewarding and beautiful future. So if I keep this story close to me, I can use it to encourage me to work through these tough times, because some wonderful rewarding times are just beyond these tough times.
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there, and even if you're not a mom, you have one. Show your love for her this weekend and always.