Many of the little cliche that people use have been coming to mind. It's not the time that changes things it's what you do with the time that counts. That has been so true for us as a family, we did not sit and wait. Granted there wasn't much I could do on a daily basis but I feel as though we spent the time well. It was wonderful to have the company of Shayn and Jerri this winter. It sure helped pass the time in a fun way, playing cards and games, and even one day ice fishing and a wedding.
Another cliche that just came to mind is "what you think about you create, attract or become" I spend a lot of time visualizing a great outcome with me doing all the active things I have come to love. That whole idea just played out in front of me as a matter of fact. I took the broom out of the closet with the attached dust pan. Whinnie is always of the belief that some day that very broom is going to hurt her. She darted away from me so quickly running down the stairs. In doing so, she bumped the broom, knocked the dust pan off the broom and it fell down the stairs and landed on her! She turned around and looked at me as though she were saying "I told you that broom was out to get me!" As smart as Whinnie is I couldn't explain that she had created that whole scenario.
The truth is, many people create the heartache in their own lives with fear. Living from a place of fear means we are not open to suggestions and advice of others. Our minds are closed and fixed on how things should be. We insist on following in a straight line the way we think things should be. That kind of tunnel vision leaves missed opportunities, and frustrated people all around us.
Most importantly, those who live in fear do not live in the moment. That doesn't mean we are never to be afraid. That is a foolish thought. Of course we will experience fear, but don't keep it as a way of life. When you feel afraid of something allow it to stay for a moment or two, examine it and try to understand where the fear originates. If you can do that then you can often dissipate the fear. That's not to say it won't arise again, but you will have a method to contain it.
I will give you and example using my own situation. I have fear of the outcome of my surgery. When I sat with it, I allowed my mind to follow through all the steps leading up to it, afterward, and beyond. What I found was I was afraid of a couple of main things. I'll be honest, none of it pleases me to think of but there were two that really made me afraid.
Number one is the pain. When I broke it down, I was able to reason with myself. I have pain all the time now. I have extreme pain a lot of the time now. I have pain that inhibits my ability to live the life I want to live now. So what is different? After neurosurgery pain can be the most intense pain one can feel. I know that. In thinking it through I was able to feel better about it by deciding ahead of time to take the prescribed medication. I will allow myself the comfort of the morphine drip while in hospital and I will see the pain specialist to decide what is best for me, at least until I am able to decide for myself.
Number two is the outcome of the surgery in terms of my mobility. This is something I didn't think about when I had I first spinal surgery. I went in with the attitude that things will all work out fine. Well, having a positive attitude is great but when reality strikes and you have been in denial, it is a very tough road. This time I allowed myself to go there in my mind, I've thought about the what if's. I've done so because this time my neurosurgeon wanted to make it perfectly clear, it can happen. I'm not sure if you can ever prepare yourself for lack of organ control or paralysis, but I know I must do what I can. Don't get me wrong, I am thinking positively that it will all go as planned but I have realistic plans in place in case I need to work on recovery longer.
When you become logical, the fear is manageable. When you or friends and family members push it away with cliches and platitudes it is allowed to fester. Face it head on, make a plan and then allow your positive thinking to come into focus. Then, and only then, dealing with fear is done in an educated constructive way.
“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown
Here are some tips from the website thetinybudda.com. You will see as I have stated she has in number three totally dismissed fear. I don't agree with that until you have explored the basis of the fear, but these are some great tips. Enjoy!
1. Get comfortable with fear.
Invite fear into your life. When you fear something, move toward it. Feel it, and breathe through it.
Do the things that frighten you. Action builds courage. Tell yourself, “This fear will pass.” Your world expands as your courage expands.
2. Make your dominant thoughts positive.
Fearful thoughts attract more fear. Positive thoughts attract success. Instead of expecting the worst, train your mind to expect the best. Make positive assumptions about your future.
3. Don’t give time, attention, or energy to fear.
Hold yourself accountable. Be consistent, be prepared, be dependable, and focus on solutions.
Be innovative, take the initiative, and go the extra mile. If you don’t take action despite your fear, opportunity will pass you by.
4. Never dwell on scarcity.
Learn to think, speak, and live as an abundant person. Turn off the news. Celebrate what you have. Be generous.
Focus your attention on being ready, willing, and prepared for the beauty, wonder, connections, good fortune, and favourable circumstances that are yours if you are willing to work and be open to it.
5. Revisit your victories.
Strengthen your belief in yourself by reflecting on the last three years of your life and every success you’ve experienced.
Close your eyes and feel the celebratory emotion of each one. Bring the same drive, persistence, and talent into now and allow it to inspire and motivate you.
6. Live vicariously through the victories of others.
Use the success stories of others. Read how the Brooklyn Bridge was built. Study the success of Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Steven Spielberg, and Oprah Winfrey. Take note of the courage they developed and follow their path to greatness.
7. Ask your family and friends for encouragement.
My family can see my strength when I forget I have it. At my request, they don’t hesitate to remind me of all trials and triumphs we have come through. They’re generous with praise and encouragement. Ask your loved ones to do the same for you.
8. Create a support group of friends or colleagues.
Robert Fulghum said it best in his book, All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: “When you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.” Sticking together makes tough times easier and easier times more fun!
9. Plan to be great.
Step into your power and dream big. Follow it up with calculated risks and deliberate action steps. Have no doubt about your success. Your dreams are at stake here!
You have the power to do what it takes to break through any obstacles that stand in the way of yourself, your dreams, and your happiness.