It's been a while since I've written. It's as though I can't complete my thoughts and I ramble. So I kept it to myself. Today I wanted to write because I know it is time to try to get back on track. I have had a lot of work to get my pain level back to a tolerable level, I think I have achieved it, despite two road trips. One trip was to Guelph to help my daughter Meg settle into her new house. The second was to Ottawa. My sister and husband were there from Newfoundland so we made the trip to see them.
I know many of you wonder why I would travel when it enhances pain. My answer is, it enhances my life experience by doing those things. It took me awhile but what I have learned is pain will be present and some things do make it worse, but staying home and not doing the things you love puts you out of touch with people and lonely. I would rather have more pain and the memories of good times, then to be pain free and alone.
It's been a year since my surgery last May. In fact, this time last year I was in the I.C.U. I haven't been giving it much thought but it is as though my body remembers. Today I was emotional thinking about it and all that was ahead of me at that time. I had a moment. It made me think of all the people there now going though similar things. My heart goes out to each and every one of them. Although I don't know them I know their pain, their struggles and loneliness.
It's indescribable how helpless and vulnerable one feels when you are dependent on others for every little thing. I said a silent prayer for strength for them.
I'm free and living my life. For that I am truly grateful. When I go for a walk, water my garden, look at the lake etc. From now till July I will consciously remember how badly I wanted to do those things last year. How very hard it was to be in a Rehabilitation hospital looking out at the sunshine. All I wanted was to be home and enjoy my surroundings. Mostly I wanted to be doing the simple things in life for myself. I've made it. I'm there, with a lot of hard work behind me and still some ahead.mThings may not be perfect, but this year I have that. I have freedom to choose to travel or not, and that is the silver lining to this whole process.
So tomorrow I get back on track. I will walk, garden and live my life; grateful and content to be here to do that.
I know many of you wonder why I would travel when it enhances pain. My answer is, it enhances my life experience by doing those things. It took me awhile but what I have learned is pain will be present and some things do make it worse, but staying home and not doing the things you love puts you out of touch with people and lonely. I would rather have more pain and the memories of good times, then to be pain free and alone.
It's been a year since my surgery last May. In fact, this time last year I was in the I.C.U. I haven't been giving it much thought but it is as though my body remembers. Today I was emotional thinking about it and all that was ahead of me at that time. I had a moment. It made me think of all the people there now going though similar things. My heart goes out to each and every one of them. Although I don't know them I know their pain, their struggles and loneliness.
It's indescribable how helpless and vulnerable one feels when you are dependent on others for every little thing. I said a silent prayer for strength for them.
I'm free and living my life. For that I am truly grateful. When I go for a walk, water my garden, look at the lake etc. From now till July I will consciously remember how badly I wanted to do those things last year. How very hard it was to be in a Rehabilitation hospital looking out at the sunshine. All I wanted was to be home and enjoy my surroundings. Mostly I wanted to be doing the simple things in life for myself. I've made it. I'm there, with a lot of hard work behind me and still some ahead.mThings may not be perfect, but this year I have that. I have freedom to choose to travel or not, and that is the silver lining to this whole process.
So tomorrow I get back on track. I will walk, garden and live my life; grateful and content to be here to do that.
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