A year ago today I worked my new physiotherapist at a rehab centre to get up out of my wheelchair and take come steps with a walker. I remember having to remind myself that my feet would actually be on the floor even though I couldn't feel that connection. I had a walker in front of me and her right beside me. I knew I could do it. What I also knew even before I attempted to stand and walk, was that it would require blind trust in myself. You see, I had done it before. I had felt a feeling most people never feel. When you are asked to stand but can't feel your feet. Your body says okay, but your mind is panicked. It feels as though you have stepped out of an open window. No different. There's nothing connecting you to your feet and the floor. Except blind trust.
I did it. Once upright my head felt dizzy, my legs were shaken and my feet felt disconnected from me. I did however push through. I walked halfway down the hallway. When a patient, nurse, wheelchair or walker was approaching in the opposite direction I had a silent scream inside of me. It was the most out of control feeling I had ever experienced. I didn't have the whole thing figured out yet, and I felt so off balance and vulnerable that I thought I would fall at any given moment. It's a process and not an easy one, but I'm here today to tell you it works. Fake it till you make it, I did and I am.
I did it. Once upright my head felt dizzy, my legs were shaken and my feet felt disconnected from me. I did however push through. I walked halfway down the hallway. When a patient, nurse, wheelchair or walker was approaching in the opposite direction I had a silent scream inside of me. It was the most out of control feeling I had ever experienced. I didn't have the whole thing figured out yet, and I felt so off balance and vulnerable that I thought I would fall at any given moment. It's a process and not an easy one, but I'm here today to tell you it works. Fake it till you make it, I did and I am.
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