Pain Fog: Living in spite of Chronic Pain
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Month 19. Accepting your Body has Changed.

8/18/2016

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What a tough subject this is. In my case the acceptance needed to happen when the chronic pain happened, but accepting body changes is a far reaching problem and comes in all shapes and sizes.
I was recently talking to a new Mom who was thrilled with being a mother and wouldn't change a thing except the fact that she doesn't recognize who she is with this different body. That's a very common sediment at that time in life. It doesn't matter if the weight is gone or not, your body has changed. The reason you have extra weight and body changes is a fantastic one, but the pressure today is huge on women to look fantastic after the baby.
The same is true with menopausal women, it is a change that is difficult to deal with. Having lived in your body for those number of years and dressing it, exercising it, and counting on it, when it changes it does take time to accept. Even those few who don't gain the extra pounds see a shift in where the weight settles and it is usually around the middle.
Then there are those who have a lost or damaged limb. That must be the most incredible change of all. How does one get used to not having something that was always a part of who you were? I'm not sure. I do know the weird irony of Phantom pain must add so much frustration to an already impossible situation. First you're dealing with a missing body part and then you feel pain in that same body part? That is said to have driven people mad, in years past when there was no understanding of it. Now, so much is known about it and it is a widely accepted condition. The fact that it is accepted is huge to one's treatment of it. Doctors now acknowledge, look for solutions and treat it.
I have an unusual body. Approximately fifteen years ago, I lost all feeling on the left side of my body from my breast right to the tip of my toes. It came on suddenly and it was a difficult situation at the start of loss which was severe unrelenting pain. So the pain was screaming at me so that's what I dealt with. It wasn't until I found the lack of feeling, quite by accident, that I told my doctor about it. I have loss of temperature as well. I was getting into a hot bath and put my foot into the tub when I noticed it didn't feel hot to me. Once I put the second foot in I realized it was very hot. Perplexed I repeated the process and realized something was very wrong.
It has taken me many years to get used to the lack of feeling I have, and how frustrating it can be at times; yet it is quite amazing how the body adapts.
Funny enough, I have for the most part been able to walk. I have had brief periods of not being able to and having to retrain my body to do so. I've had two lengthy stays at rehab centres at those times to help.
Dealing with loss of feeling has its issues, like walking around with glass in my foot and not knowing, and having difficulty with balance and burning, numbness, and tingling. What is the worst is pain. How can a person who does that feel a piece of glass in their foot feel pain. Well that's the purely ironic and frustrating part of all of this. I have a knee that had severe arthritis and it hurts quite a bit. It doesn't feel like the kind of pain most with knee issues feel but it is constant at times and very hard to treat.
I had finally gotten into a rhythm of treating it with a doctor who understood the complications of neuropathy. Most doctors would examine my knee and when I didn't react to the exam the way most do, they would say it wasn't that bad. That was until the MRI and X-rays came back. It was very clear from that that the knee was very worn and damaged. I had gotten into a treatment program of Physio and synvisc injections to help keep me moving. Then my orthopaedic surgeon moved! Now I'm starting over with a new one. I have finally after a long wait and a series of X-rays I am scheduled for two injections this week. The X-rays showed not only is my left knee in trouble but now my right one has a torn meniscus and arthritis as well.
All of this to say, I too understand what it feels like to deal with a changed body. It takes acceptance and tenacity, as well as being creative with solutions.
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    Maureen Clout

    I'm going in for a 4th neurosurgery; this time it's a repair to my lumbar fusion. Here, I will post my daily updates on dealing with diagnosis, surgery and recovery. Join me on my journey.

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