I've worked though it and know in my heart that there isn't anything I could have done to make it better. Time is the only solution. So once again patience is my answer.
I've talked with a lot of spinal fusion patients and I know I'm in the minority. Most see fusion start after about three months and there are some who have evidence of it at their six week check up, so I was hopeful.
I also know I'm lucky enough to be in the condition I am after a fusion. Many still have nerve pain, have vertebrae above and below crushing under pressure and have as much disability as they had before their surgeries. I may not have the results I wanted yet but I am much better off than before my surgery.
I'm going to continue to exercise and strengthen with my Athletic therapist and walk daily. I believe the stronger I become the more change of recovery I have.
It doesn't mean that I'm satisfied with my news it means there isn't anything I can or could have done differently so I have to move on and continue to do my best.
That said, I didn't write for awhile because it took a bit for me to get my head around this. I was disappointed. And frankly pissed off. Three neurosurgeries and I still hadn't fused!! A full year of Rehabilitation exercises and going to Physio and having spent five full weeks in a rehab centre and countless days and nights in hospitals; yeah, I was deflated and depressed. It washed over me like a wet, dirty blanket and started to settle in. Thankfully After countless sleepless nights; support from my sisters and friends, family,and my wonderful doctor, I was able to slowly crawl out from beneath the blanket and carry on.
I'm not saying it was easy it wasn't. And I considered medication. It's been a pretty tough year. All those surgeries and losing my mother was a lot to take. One thing I keep in mind always is I'm better off now than I was going into the surgery.
Resiliency is made, you're not born with it. It takes practice and I've had a lot. I'll put one foot in front of the other and move forward as I always have.